“…someday I’ll be everything to somebody else.”

I know I wrote about crushes recently… and here’s another post about the one I’m currently having. lol

As a person who has codependent tendencies, yet has learned a lot and is really trying to be different this time around, man crushes are difficult!

The guy I’m into is a gamer. (Not surprising, we had been playing the same game together a lot and did a bit of bonding and such that way.) My brain knows that a lot of the time that we aren’t talking (and he’s not at work or sleeping or taking care of his child), he’s probably gaming.

Yet all I want to do is text him and talk to him. I know (I KNOW) that’s unhealthy. I get sad when I can’t talk to him — but only momentarily. Even today, right now, as a working woman at her job, I wish I could talk to him. But I know he’s working. I’m not going to get in the way of his job and his livelihood just because I can’t get a grip on my emotions. That’s a very selfish thing to do. So I take a deep breath, recognize that what I am feeling is silly, and start to focus on something else (some of my work, a hobby, talking to other friends, whatever). It helps.

In this department, any growth is positive, right?

Something else I have noticed about him… he makes me feel safe.

We played a “20 questions” type game where we took turns asking questions of each other (and after we answered each other’s question, we would typically answer our own question before moving on to the next one). Some of his answers really hit me as being mature and swoon-worthy. He even has a favorite flower (and it was original, not basic flowers that every man knows)! I’ve heard him talking to his child on the phone and when the child was with him recently, even heard him interacting with other children… He’s a really good father and a wonderful man. Strong and sensitive and smart. What more could you ask for?

I really like him and I don’t want to mess this up. Therefore, gotta try to keep my anxieties and emotions in check.

Struggles of a codependent XD