Sometimes, things just don’t work out that way.

I wanted to do my concert recap next. As a matter of fact, I have the posts typed up already (yes, there will be two posts to do my concert recap from a week ago). Why am I waiting?

…because I need to take a picture of a tshirt and a poster that I haven’t taken a pic of yet, since they’re relevant to the post.

So why go ahead and make another post?

Because I want tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Truth of the matter is, I love blogging. I like communicating with people. But as an introverted anxious shy person who is always afraid of getting on people’s nerves, I rarely do reach out and talk to people. Why not just talk to myself like I’m doing here?

I second-guess myself quite a bit. Blame it on the anxiety or whatever… If I see that you have “read” my message but didn’t reply, the wheels start to roll. Are they busy? Are they annoyed with something I said? Do they not like me anymore??? Should I send another message? How soon is too soon to send another message? Should I send a picture or meme instead?! …and so on and so forth until I finally just either send a message or set the phone down and walk away.

One of the things I’m working on this year (not in a resolution type way, but in a doing better for myself way) is loving myself. I have virtually zero self-esteem and self-worth. I let people run all over me time and time again until I resemble a door mat. I know this isn’t healthy.

I’ve started saying some affirmations each time I see myself in the mirror. They may seem silly to some, but eventually I know they’re going to stick in my head. Things like,

I’m worthy.

I matter.

I have beautiful eyes.

My teeth may not be perfect, but I will get them fixed when I can afford it. I do have a nice smile, regardless.

I’m a good person.

I have a big heart.

I’m creative.

I am brave.

I deserve to receive the same love I give others.

I’m freaking hilarious!

…things like that.

If I don’t say those things to me, who will? I need to hear them to believe it. Reinforce the ideas that will help build me up and boost my self-confidence.

It’s a hard thing to do when all your life you haven’t felt worthy of anything.

But I deserve it. I’m worth it.