Updates
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“How you gonna ever find your place runnin at artificial pace?”
A lot has happened since my last post.
First of all, my community has been very hard-hit by Hurricane Helene. That’s a post for another time.
But my Spidey senses are telling me that someone has kinda sorta moved on. They’ve stopped breadcrumbing me. In fact, during the height of the hurricane aftermath they basically gave up on me. Stopped trying to reach out and see if I was ok. It was more fun to go out on the town and drink the night away. Not saying I blame them… just made me realize my place.
Honestly? If they’ve found someone then I am super duper happy for them!!! The moment I realized that might be what’s happening made me smile, because this person deserves happiness.
But dude. Don’t forget about your friends. About the ones that try their best to lift you up and help you to be better.
I’m struggling and you don’t give a crap about it.
So when I am not the same person that you left, just remember you pushed me into this corner.
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“Not gonna over think or over stress about forever, you and I don’t need that pressure…”
After about 30 hours in turmoil, I’m doing a lot better.
Yesterday morning I sent an apology video.
Yesterday mid-afternoon, I got a text reply.
I’m thrilled that he wants to stay friends with me. Thankfully, I think only being about 6 weeks into something gives us the ability to keep the friendship intact.
Time to work on myself some more and keep on keepin’ on.
Time for more art and craft stuff. More gardening. More time with my pupper.
Time to get my house in order, there’s a lot of work that needs to be done. Perhaps I’ll pick up some skills along the way (gotta figure out how to do the drywall thing).
And time to cultivate MORE friendships other than the ones I’ve been clinging to for the past two months. These friends are great, don’t get me wrong – but I am going to put the effort into growing friendships with some of my lady friends. It’s time.
What a difference a day makes. <3
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“… we can be forgiven, and I will be here…”
The first time I went to his place, it felt a lot like a typical dude-dwelling. I was there early enough that he hadn’t finished with work yet, and you know what he did? He put Bridgerton on the TV so I could watch something I was interested in while he finished work. I didn’t ask him to specifically put on Bridgerton, he knew that it was a show I enjoyed and he hasn’t seen it, so he put it on. He had me sit in his massaging recliner (which admittedly overwhelmed me at first [which freaked me out but I got a grip on it], but then I ended up enjoying) and gave me a blanket to cover up with while he finished work.
I sat back and looked between him and the TV many times, thinking that this was an incredibly sweet gesture.
The second time I went to his place, he had bought some candles and had them lit when I arrived. Candles do make the place more inviting. Again, I thought that was a really nice gesture. He asked me if I could even smell them (I could), haha… I noticed, for sure. I had brought him popcorn as a gift because the grocery store had been out of his favorite snack the previous time I was there, and they hadn’t gotten any in stock yet. He seemed really happy with that gesture. I caught myself a few times just sitting and staring at him, smiling and realizing how happy I was.
The third time at his place was more amazing, in my opinion. I was so much more comfortable than the previous two times I was there. He cooked for me on Saturday. He had told me he had something for me, and gave me a bag of plain m&ms (my favorite). So many freaking times I was just smiling like an idiot, telling myself how happy I was… I was definitely head-over-heels.
Then I had to go and burst the bubble.
I’ve been through a lot in my not-so-distant past. A lot of that is a dark cloud hanging over my head. It prohibits me from doing a lot of stuff that I want to do.
I had told myself not to get involved with anyone with kids. But THIS GUY, THIS situation felt miles different than anything I’d ever been a part of before.
This conversation was something I knew I had to do face-to-face. The fact that I only saw him every other weekend really put a strain on availability to talk. Sunday morning I sat down to talk to him about everything. I didn’t want to hide it anymore. He deserved to know. My feelings for him were growing exponentially and I knew if I didn’t tell him that very day, that very morning – I would be messing it up really badly when I *did* tell him.
And apparently I waited too late.
“I wish we had had this conversation sooner.”
Rips me to my core.
I love you and care about you and want the best for you. I am 100% your supporter and will do anything in my power to help you to succeed. I want to be your friend. I hope you still let me.
Thank you for the best six weeks I’ve had in quite a while.
I said I’m sorry but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself.
I don’t want to hate myself, I don’t want to hurt you.
Why do you choose your pain if you only knew how much I love you... -
“…someday I’ll be everything to somebody else.”
I know I wrote about crushes recently… and here’s another post about the one I’m currently having. lol
As a person who has codependent tendencies, yet has learned a lot and is really trying to be different this time around, man crushes are difficult!
The guy I’m into is a gamer. (Not surprising, we had been playing the same game together a lot and did a bit of bonding and such that way.) My brain knows that a lot of the time that we aren’t talking (and he’s not at work or sleeping or taking care of his child), he’s probably gaming.
Yet all I want to do is text him and talk to him. I know (I KNOW) that’s unhealthy. I get sad when I can’t talk to him — but only momentarily. Even today, right now, as a working woman at her job, I wish I could talk to him. But I know he’s working. I’m not going to get in the way of his job and his livelihood just because I can’t get a grip on my emotions. That’s a very selfish thing to do. So I take a deep breath, recognize that what I am feeling is silly, and start to focus on something else (some of my work, a hobby, talking to other friends, whatever). It helps.
In this department, any growth is positive, right?
Something else I have noticed about him… he makes me feel safe.
We played a “20 questions” type game where we took turns asking questions of each other (and after we answered each other’s question, we would typically answer our own question before moving on to the next one). Some of his answers really hit me as being mature and swoon-worthy. He even has a favorite flower (and it was original, not basic flowers that every man knows)! I’ve heard him talking to his child on the phone and when the child was with him recently, even heard him interacting with other children… He’s a really good father and a wonderful man. Strong and sensitive and smart. What more could you ask for?
I really like him and I don’t want to mess this up. Therefore, gotta try to keep my anxieties and emotions in check.
Struggles of a codependent XD
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Hi Friendos, Where Have I Been?
What’s going on, y’all? It’s been a minute. *checks calendar* Wait, it’s been like two months?? Yikes.
To be honest there’s not a ton going on with me. Oh, except that I broke the tips of two of my fingers at work almost 2 weeks ago, AND I fell and got a big cut on my leg. All that resulted in 26 stitches and a lost fingernail. Yay me, right?
It could have been so much worse… I’m very thankful and blessed. Seriously, it was a pure accident and we are now implementing things to make sure accidents like mine don’t happen again.
But yeah… I don’t like the hunt-and-peck typing style. LOL I miss being able to fully type properly.
That is all you get from me today. 🙂 Until next time!
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Who is this HippoChick anyway?
Hi Friendos.
First of all, you’ll find that I say Friendo a lot when referring to all of you. Yes, I did swipe that phrase from Phil the peacock from Animal Crossing. He was one of my favorite villagers in ACNH although he has moved on to a different island now.
As I said with the previous post, my name’s Jenn. I’m a 40-something mom with a big heart and an insane backstory. I will NOT go into a lot of detail unless it’s something I’m comfortable sharing, so don’t ask. Don’t comment requesting to know a ton of intimate facts and information because you’re not getting it, and you’ll probably get blocked. But there ARE some things I don’t mind sharing…
- My favorite color is purple.
- I love most sports, but basketball is my favorite.
- I have three sisters.
- I have a number of nephews and neices.
- I have a German Shepherd mix dog who is currently a huge chunk of my world and my camera roll.
- My kids are mostly grown, but we have a good relationship.
- I’m overweight and want to do something about it, but not enough to go on a drastic diet or anything.
- I have a great relationship with my ex-husband (aka father of my kids).
- I’m a codependent with an anxious attachment style.
- I have a big heart and want the best for people, even if you’re no longer in my life for one reason or another.
- I love music and will go to as many live shows as I can make work with my schedule.
- I take too many selfies when I’m talking with a guy I like. (Oh yeah, I’m single-ish. But that’s a story for another day.)
- I love eyeliner.
- Jigglypuff is my favorite Pokemon.
- I have so much fun playing Fortnite even though I think I’m terrible at it (No Builds is the best mode, and I’ll fight anyone on that).
- Taking out the trash is probably my most hated chore.
- I’m cold all the time.
- And I love hippos. Like, LOVE them.
I think that’s enough for now. Next up is the concert recap from this week. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a fun ride!
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And so it begins…
Good day, friendo. I’m Jenn, aka HippoChick. (Nice to meet you.)
I first had a blog back 20-something years ago when my kids were very young. It was something fun for me to do and it also was my first venture into HTML and learning how to code.
That eventually led me to working for a web department for one of my jobs, then I had my own website and graphics design business.
Nowadays I’ve taken a step back from being a web-nerd, and I’m doing more physical creative work with metals and wood. Crafty should be my middle name.
I still do web projects on the side. Now I’m doing my own side project… this blog.
What’s the theme of this place gonna be? **shrug** Who knows?! Pretty much treating this as my online diary, my place to talk about whatever is on my mind and heart. But moreso than just internet ramblings, I may share things like book reviews, concert recaps (just went to an incredible show a few days ago that I’m DYING to talk about), recipes – who knows. This is truly going to be all of the musings of a middle-aged mom.
I will go into more detail in my next post about what I want to get out of this. For now, that is the introduction you get. If you come across this post – Hi! I encourage you to stick around and read a few posts. If this isn’t the place for you, no harm no foul. Simply move along and enjoy your web browsing experience. But if something in these ramblings and musings speaks to you, why not leave a comment? (Just be nice – I don’t tolerate negativity and meanness.)
Until later, take care of yourselves. We’ll chat soon.
~HippoChick
