It’s really funny how things hit you out of the blue sometimes.

soooooo, full disclosure (because I’m not sure I mentioned it before), I’m in a book club. We get together virtually every couple of weeks and discuss the book we read. And if I’m being honest… most of the books are romance/smutty. LOL, because who doesn’t wanna read about other people’s fun? 😉

I’m able to work in a few pages here and there during my workday while things are running or I’m waiting on something. In the current book we are reading, there’s a fireman who’s neighbor to his (younger) love interest. They just finished dinner at his place and she was about to head home – literally 15 feet away. He says “I’ll walk you.” She says she’s not a kid and he says “Don’t argue with me. It’s dark. You know how I am.”

That got me thinking.

Recent men in my life haven’t cared to walk me to my car, or walk me to the door, or whatever. Yes, I’m definitely not a child… I’m a 40-something woman who’s pretty independent. But – Why do I put up with men that don’t care much about my safety? Do men just not typically do things like that anymore? I do hear “text me when you get home” majority of the time, but that’s about it.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Or maybe men are not willing to walk down/up flights of stairs to walk me back to my vehicle to make sure I get there safely.

The *only* person in the past year that I can recall that has walked me to my car wasn’t even a love interest. They were a friend. Last October I had hung out with my friends in a city 2 hours away. After we had dinner then went to the brewery, we walked to our friends house to hang for about an hour. When everyone was leaving, they all had to walk one direction, and my car was not too far in the opposite direction. The friend who’s house we were at was the one to walk me to my car. It was a nice feeling, knowing someone cared enough to make sure I got to my vehicle safely.

Hmm. I’m gonna be seeing that same friend this weekend. Maybe I bring it up to the group to see if other men friends in the group care enough to walk a woman to her car.

Ok, back to work now while I evaluate my life choices.

Here comes the overthinker, yet again.

Really struggling today.

Not gonna go in-depth about it. Just wanted to acknowledge that I’m struggling with my emotions.

I wanna shout from the rooftops that this dude makes my heart happy. I wanna not have to worry that my skeletons will scare him away. I wanna not overthink. I wanna finally let some of our friends in on it… I wanna go on more dates with him. I wanna spend more time with him. I wanna just BE with him.

I need to have a difficult conversation with him, I just literally can’t until next weekend. This one has to be a face-to-face conversation.

I guess then I’ll know if he truly wants to stick it out, or if it’s too much.

Boy, do I overreact. XD

Yesterday when I was leaving work, I got a phone call from him. Total surprise!! We talked as I drove (through the heavy rain storm we were having) to the shopping center where I went to go pick out a dress for the event this weekend. I went into the store, and he asked if I would call him back when I left. (Of course I did.) Then I called him and we talked until he needed to go Facetime his child, and I texted him to let him know I was home.

We played a couple games together later in the evening, then still texted a few times. But as he sent me a goodnight message, I was typing up my goodnight message, and I told him that I wanted to thank him; the fact that we have talked a lot has really helped ‘calm my crazy’ and I had been really really happy, so I thanked him for making my day better. I shared more, also saying “(Also hoping that by sharing how I’m feeling it won’t freak you out.)”

His reply was:

Don’t mind me, just swooning over here. 🙂

Let me remember this the next time I start down my anxiety spiral.

Overthinking is the absolute worst.

I’ve got so much turmoil in this ol’ noggin of mine.

On the one hand, I feel like I’m simply overreacting, and I need to clearly communicate my needs to see if this will work out.

On the other hand, part of me is screaming ‘they’re showing you who they are, why aren’t you seeing it?‘

Depending on how the afternoon and evening goes, I may be doing the brave thing and having a conversation about my needs. But is it too soon? Probably, but I want to be clear. Communication is something we both stated was important to us, so when there are these unsure feelings I would think that they would want me to come to them with my troubles.

…

In other news, I really want to go shopping for the event I’m attending this weekend, so I may be doing that tonight too. ha!

First of all, Arrows In Action is a fantastic band and I can’t wait to get to one of their shows. (Please tour soon!)

Secondly, I did something on Friday I hadn’t done in well over a year…

I got a haircut.

I love(d) my long hair, but it was to the point of looking unhealthy, and I needed the change. Nothing drastic, just got rid of maybe 8 inches. It feels different for sure, but it feels so much better.

Now I’ve gotta invest in a curling iron / straightener. The one I had that I loved finally kicked the bucket last year.

Happy Monday, friendos.