Boy has it been a rough day.

Work was really busy, I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t get caught up.

I’ve also gotten in my head about what exactly this friendship situation means… and let me tell ya why.

Something really funny happened via text message today between me and my oldest. I immediately screenshot it and as I’m about to type up the text message, it hits me.

I need clarification on just what kind of “friendship” we are having. Is it the type where yeah, we’re friends but more like acquaintences.

Or is it TRUE friends, the ones you send funny memes and pictures to, the ones you have inside jokes with, the ones that really want to hear from you even if it’s mundane stupid stuff? Because that’s what I had… that’s what I miss… and I want to know if I still have it, or if it’s changed now.

I realize things are still really raw with this situation. I’m still crying over it, grieving over what I’ve lost… but there are moments of happiness. Like last night, we had planned to do a discord call to talk about some things related to their online presence and streaming stuff. It was nice to just talk and brainstorm… but we didn’t talk TOO much about stuff outside of the streaming things. Which I realized this afternoon, when I wanted to send that text…

So I think I’m just gonna sit on this for a while.
If I get the chance to talk one-on-one with him I may bring it up…
but we’ll see.

We’ll see.